


A Sturdy Hand, A Sturdy Heart

by LarryLashton98



Category: Infinity Son - Adam Silvera
Genre: #PhoenixParent, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Boys Kissing, Crying, Emil taking care of Gravesend, Emotions, Everyone Is Alive, Kissing, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Precious Emil Rey, Reunions, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:42:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22642030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LarryLashton98/pseuds/LarryLashton98
Summary: A short one-shot of Emil's reunion with Ness a few months after the end of Infinity Son.Obviously, there are spoilers for the ending :)
Relationships: Emil Rey/Ness Arroyo
Comments: 8
Kudos: 30





	A Sturdy Hand, A Sturdy Heart

**Author's Note:**

> I needed a reunion between Emil and Ness so I wrote this.
> 
> I didn't know how to write a fic after THAT ending, so I did a time skip as I tried to figure out what happened with everyone so I put this fic a few months down the line where everything wasn't on fire. I also refused to believe any deaths, so Atlas and Gravesend never died and Maribelle didn't leave the Spell Walkers.

I push open the door to the professor’s lounge. Maribelle and Atlas are cuddled up next to each other on a couch in a corner watching something on his phone and Westley is at the table, working on his laptop. I drop my bags on the floor and fall into a seat next to him.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” Westley says, looking up. “How’s Gravesend?”

“She’s good!” I launch excitedly into how she has been doing and growing the past few weeks I’ve been with her. Since the night in the church, the Spell Walkers and I (mostly me) have been taking extra precautions when it comes to taking care of Gravesend.

I don’t know how we survived- I genuinely don’t- but somehow we’re all alive, including the century phoenix, who’s life I was so scared for. Most of us came out okay, but Brighton fell into a coma after drinking the Reaper’s Blood potion, where he’s been for the past few months. Ma was scared stiff when we returned to our apartment with his limp body. We found a new base a few days later, and we’ve been here since.

Between my brother in a coma, our Ma freaking out, the loss of Ness, and constantly being paranoid about Gravesend’s life, I had to leave to find a haven for her that only I know of. Ma and Prudencia kept begging me to come back, but I couldn’t leave Gravesend alone. It took Eva- the only person I could trust with knowing where she was- coming to replace me for me to finally return three weeks later. A week in, Iris was wanting Eva back and I was desperate to be with Gravesend that we switch rotations and it’s been the same my-three-weeks, her-one-week routine since.

“How are things here? What’d I miss?”

Before Westley could reply, Maribelle interrupted without looking up from Atlas’ phone. “Your boyfriend is back.”

My brows furrow. “I don’t have a boyfriend.”

She snorts- still not looking at me. “Sure. Tell him that. He’s in your room.”

I look to Westley to see if he know what she’s talking about, but all he does is grin at me.

“Go. He’s been asking about you every day since he got here. We can finish catching up with you later.”

I am so confused as I walk down the hall to the room that I’ve been staying in when I’m here. I pause just outside the door. I have no idea who it could be. Westley said he was asking about me every day?

My stomach is twisting nervously as I grab the door handle and turn, pushing it open to see-

“Firefly!”

My eyes widen as my bag slips out of my hand. “Ness?”

He barely stands from my bed before I tackle him into a hug, the force driving us back down.

I’m practically in tears at how happy I am to see him. 

“Oh my god, oh my god,” I mumble as I push my face into his shoulder. After what feels like minutes, I sit up to look at him. “What- what are you doing here?”

He clasps a hand dramatically over his heart and pouts and my gaze is drawn to his lips. “I thought I’d be welcomed.”

“You are!” I rush out, flushing. “I- I meant  _ here _ . In my room and- and on my bed.”

“Waiting for a certain someone who I heard was coming today,” he grins at me and my heart flutters. I’m suddenly aware of the fact that I’m straddling his hips and I can feel my cheeks light on fire.

He grins up at me, eyes soft as his hands come up to rest on my waist. “It’s okay, Firefly.” His thumbs rub soothing circles on the small strip of exposed skin. “We don’t have to do anything if you’re not wanting it. Though I have to admit, you look good like this.”

I’m his with a wave of crushing desire and I lean back down, propping myself up above him, face inches apart.

There’s a slight tremor in my voice when I say, “and if I do?”

His eyes widen a fraction before a hand makes its way from my waist to the back of my neck. He pulls me close until our lips are barely brushing. “Are you sure?”

I’m staring into his soft eyes and I can see the hope and want in them. I shut my own and eliminate the last fraction of space in response.

His mouth is warm and inviting and I melt into his touch, sighing happily. My hands gain a mind of their own as they run through his hair, over his arms, and down his chest. I let my body lay on his, for once ignoring the part of my brain that is screaming at me that I weigh too much or am too boney to let my full body weight rest on someone. I ignore it and push myself into him, desperate to feel him, to know he’s here and okay.

I push our lips together in a bruising kiss as I press closer. Closer, closer, closer. My skin is on fire and I feel the  _ need _ to be closer together. The ache in me is growing so strong it’s as if we’d have to be fused together as one for it to be satisfied.

My hands slide into Ness’s hair and I cup the back of his head gently but firmly as I pull him into me. The fire in my stomach is growing and growing. I missed him so much and I need, I need-

I need to be needed.

I need to feel desired. I never have before and this need to be wanted, to be closer is taking over me. Now that it’s been identified, it’s spreading like a wildfire through my veins.

Ness pulls back and I whimper. I try to follow his lips with my own, but his hands slide up to my shoulders to hold me back. I don’t even know I’m crying until Ness lightly touches my cheek.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” The concern in his voice sets me off and I start crying harder. “What’d I do?”

I can’t get enough air through the crushing in my chest so I just shake my head.

“We don’t have to do this. Okay, Emil? We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to,” he says again, “or if it makes you uncomfortable.”

“It’s not that,” I finally blubber. “I do want it and that’s just it. I feel like I want it too much. I feel like I’m going to burst with how much I want- need to feel needed,” I say, finally having words for the emotion idly building up inside me for years. “I haven’t ever- I- no one’s ever wanted me and I feel like I’m going to explode with how much I  _ need _ \- I need-”

Ness somehow- blessedly- understands what I’m trying to say and pulls me back into him, but this time into a hug. He lays us down on my bed and holds me as I cry. Just like earlier, even though I was wanting to kiss him, I need the hug more. I need the comfort of his arms more than his lips on mine.

I’m curled into him, my arms like a vice snarred tight around his waist and my face pushed into his shoulder. His shirt id getting wet from my tears, but he doesn’t push me away. He doesn’t say anything as he runs a hand through my hair, the other brushing up and down my back.

But I still need more. The pressure’s still there, building, and I’m shaking and I feel like I can’t be held tight enough. I feel like I need to be held compact and stable, as though I'd break into a thousand pieces without his strong arms holding me together.

I can’t speak between my sobs so I roll us, pulling his body atop mine. Almost immediately, he pushes himself up and relieves the sturdy weight from my chest, which is the opposite of what I need.

“I can’t- you won’t be able to breathe if I’m on you,” he protests.

“No, please,” I tug at him. “I need- I’m gonna, I’m gonna explode and, and I need-”

Again, he gets me and slowly lowers himself back down, watching me to see if it’s too much. But it’s not, and I don’t need to worry about parts of me flying away.

I don’t know how long we lay there with only my cries and sniffles breaking the silence. After what feels like hours, I have enough control over my breathing to pull back from him.

“Oh, god.” I run a hand over my face to wipe away the tears. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-”

“Hey,” Ness soothes as he runs his hand through my hair. “It’s okay, Firefly. It’s okay to not be okay. You’ve been through a lot. No one blames you for feeling things, like, emotions.”

His mock God-forbid tone paired with an exaggerated eye-roll at the end makes me laugh a little and the clenched fist around my heart loosens a fraction.

“I missed you,” I say as I cup his cheek.

Nuzzling into my palm, Ness smiles softly. “I missed you, too.”

He kisses my wrist before rolling us onto our sides and pulls my blanket over us.

“How does a nap sound?”

I smile and he pulls us back in together, tangling our legs together.

I feel satisfied for once and lose myself in his warmth as we fall asleep with our foreheard touching, my hand on his cheek, his on the back of my neck.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed what was supposed to be a fluffy reunion fic but ended up with more angst than planned!
> 
> I recalled hearing Adam Silvera talking about putting himself into Emil and when I read the scene in the art room my heart broke at Emil's self-image. My heart broke for Emil and Adam (if I understood correctly) and myself and everyone who struggles with their body image. I was upset at how Emil was feeling and how much I related to him at that moment.
> 
> I was inspired by Adam Silvera putting his heart into the book and at including self-image issues so I poured myself into this story and my heart breaks for all of you who relate to Emil and me.
> 
> If you liked it please leave kudos or comments!
> 
> Also, if you are FREAKing OuT about the ending and want to chat with me my Tumblr is LarryLashton98


End file.
